Want Some Cheese with that Whine?
by Lady Keika
Summary: Sora and Riku tell the woes of a camping trip that went wrong: how Riku couldn't find release, how Roxas and Axel wrestled for top, how Demyx was the only strait one in this story, and other silly babbles. -riso- -akuroku- oneshot. lime. crack.


WARNING: BAD DIALOGUE AND LIMES

**LADY KEIKA'S WARNING:** BAD DIALOGUE AND LIMES. I was 12 when I wrote this, humor me please. I just fixed up _most_ of the typos, there still might be some. Also if someone stroke up this similar idea, yeah sorry I didn't know. I haven't been on this site in like forever. I just found this in my junk, thought I would share it at least. Onto the sad story in which I could never really write. :P

Riku sighs. "Well damn, I guess I have to tell you what happened lovely reader."

Sora looks at the silver haired teen and smirks. Riku looks away and coughs.

"Um, well, I'll just let you watch and see for yourself." Riku continued.

Sora pouts. "But, it would be better if you told it from your point of view." (insert sad puppy face here)

Riku looks at Sora. "Brownie."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Sora blinks, tense silence follows.

"You only want me to tell it so I would mention our little 'moment'" Riku continued with shifty eyes and a frown.

"Eh? Not true!" exclaimed the sheepish brunet. Riku sighed again.

"Anyways, it all started when we packed our things and I-err-well Ansem offered to drive."

"Hey!" cried Demyx. "I'm in it too!"

Riku sighed once again.

--

"WEEEEEEEEEEEE!" bellowed a happy Ansem.

The weird looking tanned man was going down the highway at a hundred and fifty, in a small crammed up blue jeep. Poor little Roxas-

"IM NOT LITTLE!"

…

Yes well, the blonde was in the back seat clinging to his seat belt, while the others, Sora, Axel, and Demyx, were holding onto each other for dear life.

"Ok, who the hell aloud him to drive?!" cried Sora. (Other than the fact that Riku could get away with being a 50+ year old fart with a license, it was a good idea at the time) all fingers pointed to the brunet's direction.

"… Shut up."

"AHHH!!" everyone screamed as Ansem (or Riku I get confused) caused the jeep to fly into the air, from when he was on a hill, and sailed towards an incoming river.

"I ALWAYS WANTED TO FLY!" Ansem said, his eyes turning all sparkly.

"YOU JERK!" Roxas bellowed out. "WE'RE GOING TO HIT THE RIV-"

**-SPLASH!-**

They landed smack dab in the middle of the said (or almost said) river. Everyone panicked as water rushed into the vehicle. Sora was crawling onto Demyx's lap to avoid the water. The mullet haired dude frowned and pushed the brunet off of him. Sora fell back into the water and glowered at Demyx. They quickly grabbed as much of their supplies from the jeep and dove into the water. They swam their way towards the river bank and watched in dismay as the water slowly sucked their jeep downward, like the Titanic. The items they couldn't rescue, they had to watch in more dismay, float down the river and disappear around the corner.

All angry eyes turned to Ansem, who had now turned back into Riku. (Ansem still didn't like the light :P)

"…eh, wrong gear?" the silver haired teen grinned as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Holy jeebus," Demyx groaned, "Now we only have three tents and two sleeping bags thanks to speedy here." The mullet haired boy continued whilst giving Riku a dirty look.

"Now what?"

The group looked at each other, Sora, Roxas, Axel and Riku all smirked,

"I have an idea…" they all said in unison, giving poor confused Demyx evil glinty eyes.

--

Day turned into night and all of the tents were now pitched up. Sora and Riku were sharing one, Roxas and Axel were sharing another—which happened to be in the middle; and Demyx was left by his lonesome self in his own tent. At first the mullet haired boy was all for having his own tent, but got bummed out when he found out he wasn't going to get a sleeping bag. Sora and Riku sharing one and Axel and short stuff-

Roxas' eyebrow twitches madly.

Yeesh _Roxas_ sharing the other.

Demyx hit the hay first, he curled up under the groups' jackets for warmth and snored away. Sora and Riku went to bed next; both giving each other _very _seductive looks. Finally Axel and Roxas turned in.

"Okay," Axel started. "Since we have to share, I'm going to be on top of you."

"WHAT?!" the blonde yelled. "Why must I be stuck under you?!"

"Cos' I'm soo the seme." beamed the red head. "Lil' ukes place is right underneath us semes."

"As if!" the blonde growled. "When I was on top of you for once, I had you screaming out my name for hours and begging for more!"

Axel's face looked like a tomato. "Did not!"

"Did so!" Roxas countered.

"Did not!"

"DID SO!"

"DID NOT!"

And so the fight for who got to be top began. Axel and Roxas began rolling in their tent like a bunch of burritos trying to pin each other down.

Meanwhile, Sora and Riku were having a-ehem-'moment'.

"Oh god," Sora moaned out.

Riku's hand was down between Sora's legs, stroking the brunet's member, doing one hell of a job trying to make him climax. Sora was doing the same to the silver haired teen, both looking into each others eyes as they panted.

"R-Riku…" the brunet purred.

"Sora…" Riku groaned out.

"Riku…"

"Sora, I'm gonna c-!"

**-SMASH!-**

Both boys blinked as they felt weight on them and two other bodies rolling around. Axel's and Roxas' wrestling had caused them to hit their tent and make it collapse onto Sora's and Riku's.

"I get top damn you!" screamed Roxas. "You're heavier and bonier than me!"

"Ukes go bottom!" bellowed Axel. "You make a comfy mattress with all that still baby fat, plus I don't look like a girl like you do!"

…

'Touché…' Riku and Sora thought simultaneously as sweat drops rolled down the backs of their heads.

Sora looked at Riku. "Did you…?"

Riku grumbled under his breath and shook his head. "And I was so damn close!"

The silver haired teen turned toward Sora. "You didn't…?"

Sora lowered his head and blushed. "Sorry."

"You did!"

Riku clawed through his tent in outrage, trying to get to Axel's and Roxas' which was still on top of theirs.

"YOU HORNEY BASTARDS RUINED MY MOMENT OF RELEASE!" the silver haired teen cried out. "YOU CAN BE EITHER SEME OR UKE!"

"That's not the point!" both Axel and Roxas yelled.

For the first time, Sora had to pin Riku down to hold still. Riku was 'meen' during sex if he was pissed, lil' Sora wouldn't like that at all now would he?

"Now now," Sora tried to reinsure the other teen. "We have all night and-"

**-CRUNCH!-**

Axel managed to roll over onto Sora and squished him on top of Riku's body. Riku gasped out in pleasure and tossed his head back as Sora's body grinded onto his.

"Hell yes!" he moaned out. "This is more like it!"

Sora's eyes spun as Axel's body continued to crush the brunet onto a very happy Riku. Meanwhile, Demyx's head shot up, his eyes not even opened. He yawned as he heard the commotion from outside his tent.

"Turn off that porno, you dirty boys." He mumbled. "What a bunch of horn dogs…"

With that said, the mullet haired boy flopped his head onto the jackets, dozing off once more. Just then that's when Sora and Riku crawled out of their tents, half naked, and kicked Axel and Roxas' off theirs.

"Cut it out!" Riku yelled. "Can't you see other people are trying to-er-sleep?!"

"Y-yeah!" agreed Sora. "Other people are trying to-um-sleep, like we are!"

Roxas and Axel poked their heads out of the tent, only seeing and talking to darkness.

"But…" Axel protested.

"He…" Roxas started.

"Pitch your tent back up and go to sleep!" Riku scowled. "I swear to kingdom come, that you two will get if I don't get any… sleep!"

"Why the hell do you keep pausing everytime you wanna use the word sleep?" Axel asked, a sly smile crept on his face.

Riku and Sora blushed.

"We're going to bed now," they said in unison. "G'night."

They quickly fixed up their tent and crawled back inside. Roxas looked down and blinked, through the darkness he saw a pair of boxers that were caught at the entry of the tent. How he could spot that, the blonde didn't know, trying to process that thought, it was in turmoil since he could hear Riku making some moaning noises.

Them beasts.

"Hey Sora, I think you left something behind." The blonde teased.

"Oh shit!" cried the brunet. "My boxers! I was wondering where I kept the condoms."

Sora rushed to get out of the tent.

"DAMMIT!" came the reply of a certain pissed off silver haired teen.

Roxas and Axel were ready to shit bricks, they held in most of their laughter only the snickering could be heard throughout the campsite.

"ROXAS! AXEL! SHUT THE HELL UP! SORA! GET YER ASS BACK IN HERE! WE"RE NOT DONE… uhh-SLEEPING!"

Roxas and Axel smirked to each other; the best part of their relationship was to do evil things to piss people off. Sora and Riku just happened to be their victims at the moment. Sora followed orders, he grabbed his boxers and dove back into the tent as quickly as he could. Roxas and Axel put their heads back in and did a half ass job fixing the tent from the inside. When they were done, the started their wrestling match once again. At first, it looked like the blonde was winning, but in the end Axel won with ease.

"Yup, just where ukes belong." Axel grinned proudly. "Right underneath almighty semes."

Roxas hissed at the red head.

"Fine then, no sex for you." The blond seethed.

Axel shrugged. "Oh wells, I'm too tired to get it on with you anyways. Wrestling with you took almost all my energy. So g'night."

Roxas' mouth dropped as the red head flopped on him and started to snore away. That's a first… In the beginning, it wasn't so bad for the blonde having Axel on top of him; but then Roxas started to overheat weighed a lot more than he looked.

"Can't… breathe…!" the blonde choked out, his left eye twitching madly as his face turned bright red.

"Mmm comfy lil uke," Axel mumbled in his sleep. "Should do this more often."

Roxas loathed to word 'lil' with a passion at the moment. The blonde frustratingly tried pushing the other off of him but with no avail. He frowned for a brief second but thin smirked. He grabbed onto the red heads boney hips and managed to roll him over, just then Axel's green eyes shot open and growled.

"Lil' uke wants to play again?" he asked.

Roxas sprang at Axel in pure rage. The red head grabbed the blondes' hips and tried to roll him back underneath, but Roxas wasn't going down that easily, oh no.

Meanwhile, Sora and Riku were having another steamy 'moment' together. Riku was on top of Sora, whilst Sora was underneath him. The brunets' cheeks a tinge of pink, flushed. Riku's were about the same, both mingled in sweat as they went about _'doing the dirty'_.

"Sora…" Riku panted out.

"R-Ri-" Sora tried to voice out.

Sora's cerulean eyes widened and his head moved back, his back began to arch as Riku pushed in further, grabbing the brunet's hips for better friction.

"God's" moaned Sora. "Yes!"

"Ngh, I-I'm getting there Sora."

"Riku!"

"Sora, I'm-"

**-SMASH!-**

Once again, their moment was interrupted by Roxas and Axel fighting over who got top.

"Damn lil' uke!" Axel laughed. "You're supposed to cooperate with semes like me!"

"Seme my ass!" replied Roxas. "I'm the **true** master in bed and you hate to admit it cos' of the times I made you have an orgasm in one night!"

"You are so not!"

"Am so!"

"Are not!"

"Am so!"

"THAT DOES IT!" screamed Riku and Sora.

By some odd miracle, they managed to morph and twister their way onto their backs, using their feet they pushed the others tent away from them. Axel and Roxas, wrapped in their tent, went rolling down towards Demyx's, both yelling as they rolled. Sora and Riku went back to their 'moment' as if nothing happened.

"More!" the brunet pleaded as his hips bucked.

"Oh?" Riku smirked. "Does this turn you on that much?"

"Riku!" Sora growled.

The silver haired teen happily abided the other's request, thrusting into the brunet as quickly as he could, cerulean eyes shot open.

"RIKU!" screamed Sora.

"SORA!" screamed Riku.

"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Axel and Roxas as the rolled their way towards Demyx's tent.

Demyx on the other hand was having a very 'pleasant' dream; his drooling proved this, but was suddenly flattened by Roxas and Axel as the continued to roll down the hill in their tent. As if nothing happened, the mullet haired boy happily clutched one of the other boys' jackets snoozing soundly.

"Roxas!" cried Axel, "Does us rolling down a hill turn you on THIS much?!"

"Shut up!" the blonde growled. "Your hand is down there and it doesn't wanna let go!"

"I couldn't find your hand," the red head lied. "We might hit a rock and die. I want to die holding onto you, love!"

"Liar." Roxas spat. "You were hoping for a last minute grope."

…

"Last minute screw would have been better." Axel muttered.

**-SPLASH!-**

Both blinked as they felt wetness seep through their tent.

"Ack! Axel!"

"Now that's just gross, Roxas!"

Water continued to seep through, they blinked again.

"Your bladder ain't that big, Rox." Axel said.

"Idiot," the blonde seethed. "We landed in a river!"

Both the blonde and the red head struggled to get loose from their tent's grip around them.

"Oh Roxas" Axel moaned out. "I like it when you squirm, it feels _soo_ good."

The blonde managed to back hand him.

"Now is not the time to think sex, you perv." Roxas hissed.

Axel hmph'd as he pulled out a pocket knife and sliced through the tent. Roxas blinked as the red head sliced away and pulled him out. Turned out that they were at the shallow end of the river. Roxas looked up at Axel only to be in horror from the massive glare-down he was receiving from the red head, a hand still promptly on his reddened cheek.

"I think someone deserves to be punished for trying to be seme." Axel grinned madly. "I'll show you who the TRUE master in bed is!"

Roxas backed into a tree as the red head approached him and grabbed his wrist.

Meanwhile, Sora and Riku were happily resting in each others arms. Their heads shot up as they heard someone's scream of pleasure.

"Holy-!" exclaimed the brunet. "Those two are freaking loud."

Riku sighed.

"Sora." He started "Lets never go camping with your friends again, mmkay?"

"Sounds good." agreed Sora.

Riku and Sora were not too happy with Roxas and Axel in the morning; the red head's _punishment_ for the blonde lasted the entire night. When out to use the restroom, they found them near the river bank.

Naked. They chased them down through the entire forest, Sora had to stop, he couldn't go around the forest with his eyes closed, Roxas flaunting his butt around was too unbearable for the brunets' retinas.

"On second thought," Riku yawned. "Let's promise not to go on any vacation with your friends."

"They're your friends too!" Sora scowled.

"Just promise."

"…Promise." mumbled the brunet.

--

"Sora." The silver haired boy started.

"Yes?" the brunet asked, looking to Riku.

"You suck at narrating."

"I wasn't narrating you jerk, they were watching what happened!"

Riku started glaring over to Sora. "Watch what you say, lil' uke."

Sora flung himself on top of Riku trying to make him fall to the ground.

"For the last time I'm not LITTLE UKE!" the brunet bellowed.

Roxas and Axel turn their heads and start watching Riku and Sora roll around the floor to pin each other. Sweat drops appear on the back of their heads.

"Nice, seems your anger issues with the word lil' rubbed off on him, Rox." Axel said chuckling nervously.

"Oookay." said Roxas. "Perhaps we should hire someone to narrate for the next date. Sora and Riku broke the promise a month later so we can double date again!"

"Crazy awesome!" Axel exclaimed. "We should bring a few of my other friends with us too."

"I hope we go camping again!" Demyx said happily. "I swear that area had some kind of sexual aura there. Maybe I should bring Larxene with us!"

Everyone stops what they are doing.

"What?" the mullet haired boy questioned.

Everyone shakes their heads and sighs.

"Nevermind Dem." They all said in unison. "Just Nevermind."

The end.

**Lady Keika's Corner:** I fixed up the lime a bit lolz. I got the title from my 8th grade math teacher, that's what she would say to us everytime we would bitch and complain. Thought it would fit the story, since that's all they do throughout it haha. When I read this, I was in utter shock that I had a lot of typos, but it made me laugh. Saddens me that I lost all my humor in less than three years. I write angsty stuff now. :P

Reviews are nice :)

So are black lacy bras. Get to it!


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